SEPTEMBER 11, 2005

12:08am. It has been a year since we had a big falling out. That night, I had a lot of questions. Questions that up to now have been left unanswered. How could something so perfect end so ugly? How can this happen when everything was doing fine? Was it really fine? As far as I can remember, days before September 11, 2005, we already started fighting. Misunderstandings that were brought about my honesty. That I was too honest in telling you how I felt towards you. My dreamland then started to crumble into a pile of rubble. I tried my best to keep us from falling apart, that I wanted to save our friendship. But because of one text message, all my efforts did not pay off.

What was in that message that made you so angry that you can’t even forgive me?

For months I tried to figure out what was in that message. Days ago, I had the courage to ask the one who sent you that. I got what I was looking for, but not its entirety. He told me that he texted you that me and my friends (our friends) were making fun of you by calling you names. He thought that you would just let it pass and that it was nothing but he was wrong. You took it the other way around. You went berserk over that message and texted me that I’m one backstabbing jerk. I was surprised. Really. I didn’t have the faintest idea what the hell just happened. When we saw you in your dorm, all mad and stressed out, I knew that this was not right. That this is something big. I tried to talk to you but he insisted that he should be OUR mediator. All I could do was sit and wait for something to happen. When I got the chance to talk to you, I asked you why you were acting in such way. You told me you were really stressed out with everything. I advised you to take it one at a time and “wag mu i-haggard ang sarili mu”. You simply snapped back “isa lang naman nagpapa haggard saken…IKAW!”. Then you walked away without even glancing back. That night I was lost. I tried texting and calling you yet you wont answer me.

The next day, the day of the competition, we never said anything to each other. Only a few glances at each other and nothing more. I wanted go near you, to hug you and wish you good luck. Minutes before dancing, our coach told me to help you, that left me with no choice but to chat with you a bit. I said:

“Ey, good luck…”

You said

“I’m sorry.”

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry…para sayo to, para sayo toh…”

And then we hugged, then rushed to the court to dance.


I’ll never forget that day.

Today is September 11, 2005. Exactly one year after everything. Yet here I am, wallowing in thoughts about you. Yes, I still love you in spite of everything that happened. Sounds pathetic huh? Embarrassing as it may seem but that’s how I feel. I don’t understand why I still feel this way towards you. Maybe because you left hanging and never cleared things up with me. Maybe because I envy the two of you every single day that I see you together happy and here I am in one corner filled with pain. Maybe because I’m one hopeless romantic who’s so into you. There are a lot of reasons why. Even I myself could not see through them. Every single day I try to look happy on the outside, yet inside my heart is screaming in anguish.

In a month’s time, I’ll be leaving this university to go on with my life. I wish that as I leave everything behind, I will be able to pick myself up and move on. That I can finally let it all go and move on. I hope I can do this. I know I can.

a year old memories

Mga text mo saken dati. Eh sino ba namang di maloloka nyan ha?


Sweetie san k
ngaun?

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
21-July-2004
15:45:49


Bkt
ang
taong
imprtnte sau pg
nwla
pilit mong
hinhnp?



Bkt m ko
hinhnp?

Imprtnte bkö
sau?

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
24-July-2004
18:10:23


hOney punta ko
jan s labas!NG
dOrm nyo!

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
21-July-2004
21:26:49


D Air we
brEathe
kips Us
aLive

Bt if 1dAy
D Air in ds wRld

bcUms
2 Lmted 4us

Dnt wori

cz iL b
wiLing
2hoLd my
brEatH

evn4a
mLion yRs

jz 2c u
breatHn...ü

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
21-July-2004
22:47:51


I dremt of heven
lst nyt.it ws d
most beautiful
place & I never
wantd 2 leav.bt
wen i woke up,u
crosd m mind &
I sed: ”hevev cn
u wait?i stil hv
my pradise hirӟ

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
21-July-2004
22:53:56


Oh hun! Gcng k p
b? gud luk at
God bles s exam
Bkas! Galngan
mo para s
knabukasan
natn! Gud nyt!...’

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
24-July-2004
23:48:54


galingan mO’:?

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
1-Aug-2004
15:21:31


gus2ng gus2 mO
namng inaakap
kta?

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
1-Aug-2004
22:34:15


bat k8a ikikis?

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
29-Aug-2004
00:21:29


frnds co?
hMm,
mkulit,
pRo mBait..
pRaniNg pRo,
mSyng kSma..
mtGas uLo
pRo dcO kyAng
iwan..

hAay!

kyA mGa frnds
cO?

loko2 pRo sBrng
mhL co! LalO n
iSng 2!

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
6-Sept-2004
23:37:25


n sasayw ako para s u?

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
7-Sept-2004
08:35:37


…cnO bng hnd.?
wel, tnatry kOng
ibalik ang dati.

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
15-Dec-2004
23:35:59


wel dOz r d
dayz na ngng
hap q.o cge,
mag aaluna n at
kelangan mO
nrng maghanda
s wOrk mO.
ma22lOg n rn
ako pra d q
ngangarag
ngarag mamya s
church, nytnyt.

Sender:
hEaRtBrEaKeR
+639279181407
Sent:
16-Dec-2004
00:14:21

compet na!

It's been a while since I last wrote something. The past weeks have been really hard for all of us. As the competition draws near, the practices have been rigorous than ever. 3 full runs of the entire routine plus halftime performances surely takes a lot of energy to do. Many of us have been suffering injuries the entire duration of the season. With academic work piling up, most of us juggle everything all at the same time. Trying our very best to excel both in dancing and in our studies. Fatigue, shear exhaustion and stress are the common symptoms that we all suffer. Time management. That is the key for our survival. We are not normal university students who get to go home at 7 PM. Eat dinner at 8, study around 9, sleep at 10 and wake up the next day 7am.

For most students, their days end at around 5 but for us it’s just the beginning of another chapter in our daily lives.

5:30pm, off we go to the gym to warm up and stretch.

6:30pm, we start to practice our cheers.

7:00pm, we start to take the court to practice the compet routine.

9:00pm, if we were lucky to get the court early, we get to go home.

10:00pm, the latest time that we finish.


Being a cheerleader is not an easy thing to do. Many people think that we are just a bunch of boys, girls and all those in between who could not do anything in our lives. Many think that we are a pain in the ass for teachers because we are too lax with our studies. They see us as a group who excel in dancing yet fail in our academics.

On the other hand, there are others who take pride in us. They support us in every performance that we have. They marvel at our grace and originality when we take the court. People cry and laugh with us through victories and defeats.

So, what’s new in our routine this year? Expect a lot of gymnastics skills, amazing lifts, relaxing yoga, explosive jazz, and sexy bodies. Haha!

September 17, 2005 – the day that all of us will remember. This is the day that the UP Pep Squad will strut their stuff to show the world what they’ve got