Fridays

Its 9 in the evening and I'm still in the office. Its a beautiful Friday night, the weather's perfect for a night out yet here I am, staying inside. I could have gone home hours ago. By this time I would have been enjoying a salad at home, watching my favorite shows on TV. Just a night like any other. This has how my Friday's have been for the past months. If I don't go out, I just stay at home and chill. Pretty boring right? The truth is, Fridays give me bittersweet memories.

For three months I knew how it was to be with someone. My first real relationship. It was short yet those three months were some of the most memorable. Fights, feel-good moments, alone time and all the other things that lovers do. It was a rollercoaster ride. One hell of a ride. I admit, that eventhough it only lasted a mere three months, but until now, I could not forget it. Sure I don't make it seem like I still care, but in reality, I STILL do. Sucks, right? I know.

Weekends are the hardest. I always had a default companion. But now, I need to look for one. Sure I've got a lot of friends but they also have their own lives. Misery loves company. There are some friends who are wallowing in the same quick sand that I am in. Trying to fight back yet it only drags us deeper and deeper. Sadness has eaten me alive. Too bad I'm still alive.

I was mad, hurt and disappointed why it all ended abruptly. Sure I fucked up a couple of times. For that I'm really sorry. I know I've said nasty things which I know were like a thousand daggers being hurled at you. It wasn't cool. But then, I was grieving. I was too tough to admit it even to myself that as much as I wanted to get out of the relationship, a part of me wanted to stay. I got tired of the petty fights, the expectations I could barely meet and the constant request for attention.

I am SELFISH. I never admitted it. A friend told me to my face that I was indeed SELFISH. True friends stab you in front. For that, I thank her. Without that, I would not have accepted the ugly truth that all I cared about was myself. I thought I was ready to be committed, to be in a relationship. I was wrong. Maturity does not come with age. I may be mature in some aspects of live, yet I'm the total opposite when it comes to LOVE.

Watching the 2007 film Shelter brought to life a lot of feelings. I wanted to have somebody. I wanted to feel loved. I wanted to be with someone who would not judge me. I want to be with somebody who would love me despite my imperfections. I said that loving you was hard. Now, I realized that loving me is harder. Sure I have my mood swings and my crazy ideas. I may look as if I don't care. I can be demanding, insensitive and downright petty at times. I may throw a bitch fit for the simplest of reasons. I could be irrational. I know I can be a pain in the ass (no pun intended).

Honestly, I don't blame you for giving up on me. I know I was too cold, too bitter to even think about your side. I have made some of the most hurtful and insulting remarks. I am sorry. I was out of line. I know you're out there somewhere, moving on, thinking that I have done the same thing. Well, guess what, I haven't. There I've said it.

A part of me still wants you to come bac, a part of me wants to move on. I don't know which is more dominant. I've said that I would not make a move to win you back. I know that if we're really meant for each other, then we'll end up together. If not, then hopefully we'll each find our own happiness.

I don't cry over spilled milk. I never cry, well, except for sappy old movies and cathartic love songs. I always wear the tough mask. But deep inside, I'm weeping. It doesn't manifest not until a few round of alcohol. The drunk mind speaks the sober heart. Fuck.

On this Friday night, I'm here, pouring my heart out and hoping that you will get to read this. I may be confrontational, but I just couldn't bear to say these to your face because they may seem fake. Thanks to the wonders of technology and the immense capacity of the blogosphere, I can say whatever I want. Anytime.

Man does not live by words alone despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them. Yeah, maybe I would have to eat them if we do get back together. I've said that it was all over, but then again, a lot can change.

On Friday nights, I always remember you. That's how it has been, and its how it will always be.

Here's to you.

"I want to burn"

This is one of the best scenes for me in True Blood, maybe on TV. The moment Allan Hyde's character Godric came to the story, I have always loved him. Who would have thought that this 2000-year old vampire has more humanity in him than humans. I loved his peaceful insights. It is something to be admired specially with the hatred that the citizens of Hong Kong right now for the hostage-taking incident that claimed 8 lives.

If only we could practice Godric's compassion and ideals, then maybe, just maybe, the world would be a better place to live in. And life, as we know it, would be much easier.

Step Up 3D

Honestly, I didn't plan on watching this film since I'm pretty sure that it would be same as the other two. Yep, the story was predictable and simple. What got me to enjoy this movie was the choreography. It sure had a lot of kick-ass scenes with a dash of the teeny-boppy feel. Oh, did I tell you that I watched it on 3D?

I particularly liked the Slurpee or whatever drink scene wherein the leads blew these bubbles over some sort of exhaust or vent. It was cute and sweet. Haha! Sorry, I'm a sucker for romantic shiz. I also liked Moose's and his girl best friend's scene on the street. It reminded me of those old films wherein they dance on streets. Well, that's what they did but I felt the chemistry. Again, I'm a hopeless romantic. I also loved the parkour scene at the top the building that also had a capoiera sequence. Nice. The dance on water was great.

It looked really nice on 3D. The set also looked fab. I loved the dark yet homey feel of their crib. And the shoes! The shoes! The shoes were to die for! I wish I had one of those!

It was nice that they brought in some of the old cast like Harry Shum aka Glee's other Asian and the Chinese girl. As for the lead Luke aka Rick Malambri, one word: HOT!!!!! He's a capoiera artist or whatever. No wonder he can do stunts and move well. Joe Slaughter who played Julian also looked hot. He had this bad boy vibe that got me. But I'm totally loyal to Rick. Adam Sevani who played Moose was as adorable as ever.

As a whole, Step Up 3D was nice. Despite the predictable plot, it sure made me smile and I left the cinema contented with the movie. Now, can anybody teach me how to move like them?

Major Major

After the bloody hostage taking which turned into a media circus and made the Philippines infamous to the rest of the world, true beauty shined at the recently concluded Miss Universe 2010 held at the fabulous Las Vegas in the United States. 83 stunningly beautiful ladies represented their countries to the annual pageant.

Seems like God gave the Filipinos a break by making the Philippines bet Maria Venus Raj a runner-up in the competition. From the start to finish, Venus maintained her poise and elegance. She got mixed reviews with regards to her answer, but the good thing is that she brought honor and pride to every Filipino here and around the world.



Major Major = Bonggang bongga! Whatever. For me, she did her best and she made us proud. I'm sure its no easy task to stand up on stage, strut your stuff and compose yourself before millions of people. She may have not done that well in answering Mr. Baldwin's question but I'm pretty sure that her answer came from her heart. Sure she should have used her dethronement, birth certificate and whatever shit she went through just to get there as an answer. But I guess she got too overwhelmed with the moment. She could have done better, YES, yet I'm sure she did her best to land on that spot. That in itself is an achievement not only for her but for us Filipinos as well.

Since it was a 'beki' holiday, I'm pretty sure that a lot of gays and pageant enthusiasts filed their leaves or called in sick just to watch and cheer for Venus. This group, I think, even had a slumber party to watch the show together.



Life is truly fun when you have happy, merry and GAY friends around you.

Venus, congratulations! You made us all proud to be Filipinos despite the negative publicity that we have been getting lately. I admire you not only for your beauty and poise, but also for your strength in getting through all the problems you encountered. You deserve your success.

For us, title or no title, you are our Miss Universe.

Burlesque

McSteamy and Cam Gigandet? Whew. Talk about smokin' HOT.

MUST. WATCH. THIS!!!!!!!

26

OK, I've been procrastinating. I kept on delaying my birthday post. What's new? Well, I just added another year to my age which makes me nearer to going over the days of the calendar. Yup, I pay attention to that. Haha! So, what did I do on my special day? Nothing.

When I woke up last Monday, August 16, I put on my new top with the cray cray shoulders, black pants and my grey Zara shoes. I finished the look with my chain necklace and Zara bag. Same old day, went to work, went home, watched TV, then slept. The only thing that made my day was the deluge of greetings from friends over Facebook. I think I got over 150+ messages on my wall from my friends. That really made me feel special.

So how was my 25th year? Left work. Bummed for five months. Got flat broke, i mean really really broke. Fell in love, got hurt. Partied like crazy. Danced like it was the last time I could do it. Met people, traveled a bit. All in all, steady but totally memorable.

Thoughts for the coming year/s? Honestly, the top on my list is to settle debts and maybe get an MBA next year. Those are the immediate plans. There's also the 4 trips I booked via Cebu Pacific. As I always say, bahala na si Batman. Come what may.

I guess it come with the 'growing up' part that you tend to focus on other things. A friend once told me: "Live carefree. Let's take life seriously when we're thirty.". Makes sense. But I don't want to still feel lost by that time. So from now on, I'll try my best to find what's best for me. Hey, I'm not getting any younger so might as well start early. Well, it's late already, but still. hahaha!

Well, as for my lovelife? I dunno. Really. I somehow missed being single after being in my first relationship for three months. Now, I somehow miss having a default date during weekends. When I wake up on Saturdays and Sundays, I have the entire day all to myself, nothing to do, and no one to be with. I know I've always been independent and do things on my own. But sometimes, you just wanna be with somebody, be it a friend or a special someone.

Even if I'm all this stuck up bitch who does not want people to see my vulnerable side, I still feel lonely. I like being alone but I hate feeling lonely. There was a point last Monday that I felt sad. A friend offered to keep me company but I guess I was too lazy to go out anyway. Maybe the birthday blues got me, for a while. But then, I started to feel better again, then the rest was history.

Well, I sorta waited for someone to greet me. I didn't expect much. OK, fine, I did, a bit though. He said that he would greet me. Well, he didn't. Silly me. Here I was kinda waiting but it never came. Oh well, I guess he has indeed moved on. As for me? Yep, I think so. But I guess I'm too scared to be in a relationship again.

A friend told me that I wasn't ready, that I was selfish and self-centered. Well, she had a point. At least I know that I am one. There's room for improvement, right?

Maybe someday I will get to meet that person who'll make everything seem irrelevant. That every moment with that person is the only thing that matters. Well, designer shoes and bags still matter. Anyway, I still yet to find that person who'll make my heart bounce every time I see him. Who'll warm my heart with his genuine smile. Who will make me laugh 'til tears with his jokes. Someone who will challenge my thoughts with his ideas. A person who will make me whole. A person who'll make me feel LOVED.

I can only dream. If others found their match, then maybe someday, I will too.

For now, I'll live my life the way I want to. Do things my own way. Then maybe, just maybe, along the way, I bumped into him.

Wet and Warm

Desktop update. The new add campaign for Chanel's FW 2010 Collection. I'd die to have those boots even if I can't use them here in the Philippines. LOL

Gossip Flies to Paris

Gossip definitely has a way of flying off to the romantic city of Paris. The clothes, the drama, the fun - all soon to be shown in the upcoming season 4 of the hit CW series Gossip Girl.

XOXO

Black Swan

The film Black Swan stars Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Hmmm. Not your typical feel-good dance movie. It's quite dark and sensual. This is definitely on my list of must-watch movies.

And now, a young man responds

By Cathy Babao-Guballa
Philippine Daily Inquirer


OVERWHELMED, AWED AND humbled.

Those three words best describe the feelings my daughter and I have had last week as we received letters and comments on last week’s column that contained her letter to the man she will love someday.

Apparently, the letter struck a chord among the young and old.

One letter stood out—from an equally hopeful young man. I told my daughter the whole experience was starting to feel like a scene from “Letters to Juliet” and my eternally romantic 45-year-old heart just felt really blessed to be in the middle of it all.

I will let my daughter express our gratitude in her response below. We have been blessed in more ways than you will ever know. May you all find God’s best in His time.

My daughter’s letter

Dear readers,

I never expected that so many of you would find yourselves in a simple letter I wrote one night when I was most vulnerable, where in retrospect I realize now were just echoes of the little dreams my heart carried.

While I study to become a doctor someday, I know my focus should be on the literal intricacies of the human heart as opposed to what it feels. However, I find nothing wrong in hoping to meet that someone who’ll make it skip a beat.

To hope for love isn’t a bad thing, as long as you continue to live your life to the full while waiting for God’s best. As one wise reader wrote—it could be that “God is still preparing you both for that right moment.”

Meanwhile, we can learn, experience, and become happy with the things we do have in our lives today before that time comes, because after all, happiness never does depend on a single person.

Thank you to everyone who shared their stories of waiting and finding true love and to all the young people who appreciate the concept of not settling for just anyone but waiting for that someone. It is nice to know that there are others out there who still hope and pray for the right kind of love.

Two nights after the letter was published, I received this in my personal mail—an anonymous response to my letter. I want to share it with you all—a letter written by a man any girl would love to fall in love with someday.

Dear You,

I will admit that it came as a surprise to me when you decided to write a letter such as this. I always thought you were the type to keep things to yourself—one of the many things that keep us apart until now.

There is a part of every boy’s heart that dreams of his princess. However, no matter what the age, this princess does not change.

Nineteen years into this life, and although your unwillingness to give your heart away is what troubles you, what troubles me is how willing I am each and every time to give my complete heart and yet there is no one to receive anything of me.

Try as I might to give my heart to someone I had imagined was perfect, and I end up putting the pieces back together, mustering the courage to make it seems like nothing is wrong and nothing has been lost, when in fact, everything in my life at that point feels otherwise.

Although I have only known you for a few years, I am as confident as a man in love can be, that you are the perfect girl I have been thinking of ever since. Nineteen years into this life, and we are both still apparently waiting… for someone to be swept off her feet, and for someone to sweep you off yours. And yet, here we are closer to each other than you would expect.

I am sorry I took this long. But, I hope you know, it has not been entirely easy, trying to whisk you off to my palace on horseback. I am not alone in this pursuit of your love and I have no palace to show you in comparison to the many other men who will try to win your heart. You have not been entirely cooperative as well, but I do not blame you for this. In fact, it’s just one of the many quirks that sets you apart from other girls out there.

You will be disappointed to know that it has not been such a fairytale - meeting me, and for this I will be eternally sorry. I hope you know guys spend more than enough time trying to come up with the perfect introduction, what with sweaty palms and a shaky voice. As to the extreme disappointment I may cause you, I also hope you know that you are still as perfect in my eyes as always. I may not have begun it as a fairytale for us, but I will go through leaps and bounds to make you feel like the princess that you are.

Your eccentricities are what I love about you. Even during your occasional mood swings, it is the most endearing thing to see you shift gears. Although I must admit, sometimes it can be quite confusing; keeping me on my toes, it just makes me want to be with you even more. I want to be the man you stand beside at your best and your worst—because either way, you are still too beautiful, and I would be nothing less than the luckiest guy in town if you were just as happy as I was, standing beside you.

You are and will always be my best friend, even if one day I end up finding no more shirts because you have borrowed them all. And when you return them I end up not wearing them, still, because the scent is there to remind me of you even when you are not around. You are my best friend because you look out for me, after a stressful day, or after we lose a game of basketball. Even during times when you refuse to speak to anyone, me included—you are still my best friend.

You will be the girl I try so hard to cook for, and despite my best efforts I know I will fail, but I will love how you will try to taste my concoctions, even when the taste might make you cringe. You will be the girl whose mom I will try so hard to impress, and then you will fix my collar in hopes that I am ready to meet your parents. Adventure after adventure, you will be the girl I will see the world with, complete with the local cuisine taste and souvenir shots.

You are the girl I will smile to even in the worst of times. Even when the day feels like s__t, I know that when I see you that my world cannot be so bad if you are beside me. You are the girl whose smile I will wake up to, even when some mornings might find me with a slight case of morning breath. I cannot wait to love you.

Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope one day you will find me worthy of your heart. In the meantime, know that I am out here somewhere, waiting for you, hoping that you will be mine.

Loving you forever and a day,

Me

I was completely overwhelmed by this and went to sleep that night with a smile on my face, knowing that there are many people out there who continue to hold steadfastly to the hope of finding not the perfect, but the right person for them. So to every heart out there that continues to hope to someday know what that feels like- here’s to allowing God to write our love stories.

With much love and gratitude,

Pia

My Daughter’s Letter to the Man She Will Love Someday

By Cathy Babao-Guballa
Philippine Daily Inquirer


RELATIONSHIPS ARE always a difficult terrain to navigate.

As a woman, you spend hours pondering—alone or with your girl friends—the intricacies of the human heart. You always hope and pray that the next generation will get it better than you did.

Below is a letter I found in my daughter’s website (I have her permission to share this). She wrote it to “the man I will someday love.”

I was expecting to read a gushing, romantic, idealistic tome. I was humbled instead by her sentiments. It’s filled with sensible expectations.

I pray that this will make every girl believe that hope does spring eternal, and even if your heart has been broken a few times, you can always put the pieces back together, and make it right the next time around.

Take your time. Don’t rush and don’t just “settle.” If it’s part of His plan, God’s best awaits you out there.

Letter

Dear You,

I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist.

There is a part of every little girl’s heart that envisions her prince charming. At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love’s kiss.

In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who’s willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.

Come high school, it’s that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.

Nineteen years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away, I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably because meeting you will be better than any fairytale I could’ve read as a kid.

A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like “All My Life” or “A Whole New World” in my head when I see him does not mean I don’t hope that it’ll ever happen.

I may already know you or may still meet you someday—something I leave completely up to God because I’m pretty sure our story will be epic.

However, I can’t promise you that I’d make the world’s most perfect princess. In fact I’ll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities—there are a lot of them. I’ll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.

I can promise to be your best friend however—that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.

I’ll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that’ll only be because I absolutely adore you. I’ll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn’t exist. I’ll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.

I’ll respect your nights-out with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I’ll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.

I’ll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you—even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.

I’ll listen to your music and we’ll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.

I won’t be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won’t need anything like that to fall for you—I will love you for you.

You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I’m lonely, and to take long walks under the stars with on the beach.

You’ll be the guy who takes me the way I am—and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out pink wallpaper.

You’ll be that someone I envision a future with—us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler’s annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.

So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can’t wait to love. Please know that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you’re out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.

With the hope I will be yours for always,

Me

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I read this, I was left teary-eyed. Everything was just so honest and it's what most of us want. I'm not saying that I'm a girl but somehow I get how she feels like. haha!

Stretch

I miss the beach.

...

Love The Way You Lie

I'm loving this song as of the moment. Read the lyrics. Really nice. Interesting video too. As usual, Megan Fox looks smokin'. Rihanna sure knows how to rock the red do. I think they should have chosen a hotter guy. Oh well, I guess that's how they wanted it.

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts

Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

School Pride

With the UAAP Season 73 in full swing, might as well exhibit my school pride by using this pic as from the halftime last season as my desktop.

UP Fight!!!

Salt

When I first heard about this film, I knew that I had to watch this. The reviews were in and most them said that this was not a good film. OK, I thought of watching it on DVD but Angelina Jolie is just hard to resist, even for a guy like me. Hahaha!

My thoughts on Salt? It was entertaining. However, there were some things that would have made the movie better. The action scenes were nice, but some were shot too close that you don't get to appreciate the entire sequence. Had they panned the camera a little further, then it would not have been better, well at least for me. Some of the stunts were quite impossible. But hey, this is a movie and special effects can do magic.

As for the story, hmmm, quite predictable. When I saw the trailer of this movie, I thought this was all a setup. It wasn't. She was, from the start, a Russian spy. But why did she turn against Orlov? Was it because of her husband? Maybe. I must admit, those little scenes of drama got to me.

"I don't want a safe life. I just want a life with you."

Those words really struck me. Here's this guy, waiting with open arms, ready to catch her. Damn, where can I find one?

Angelina Jolie is one of the few who could make this movie. Thank God this didn't end up with Tom Cruise because that would have been a disaster. Jolie has sexy bad-ass written on her forehead. She sure was perfect as Evelyn Salt. She's a mother to six kids, she's got a hot piece of meat named Brad Pitt, she's got a lot of money and she's making movies like this.

When I grow up, I wanna be just like her.

I wanna be Evelyn Salt, or better yet, Angelina Jolie.

Clever Idea

Awesome!

UP vs UE