same ground-kitchie nadal

My love
It’s been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue
It’s hard
Leaving you the way
When i never really wanted to

Self denial
Is a game so strange i never really should’ve wanted
Til there was you
Cause i have learned that love was beyond
What human can imagine
More it clears
The more i gotta let you go

‘cause what i don’t understand
Is why i’m feeling so bad now
When i know it was my idea
I could’ve just denied the truth and lied
Now why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground

My love
It’s been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue
It’s hard
Leaving you the way
When i never really wanted to

Self denial
Is a game so strange i never really should’ve wanted
Til there was you
Cause i have learned that love
Is a word just thrown
A litlle bit too much of this
Excuse to fill this infinite of desire
And nevere ever have to fade

Cause what i don’t understand
Is why i’m feeling so bad now
When i know it was my idea
I could’ve just denied the truth and lied
Now why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground

If all else fail
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fails
Would you be brave to see right through me?

a guise of smile by kriska joaquin

Why do everything point to that direction, that path you refuse to take? There's a dim light that lies ahead but you are blinded. The shadows of the past are in stampede straight at you. At that moment, with the shortness of breath, you are reminded of the hurt you tried to forget. A picture, a name, a person can only reach you as far. But there are memories... a certain memory thats carved inside of you. And as much as it hurt then, when the carving was freshly grinding through, the wounds never really heal. Every recalling moment is just as harsh, opening the wound and stetching it farther, deeper.

This is why it is so hard to fall. Because once you fall, you expose yourself to all these unpleasant recoils of that thing called love. It is better to go on and enjoy the company of several than focus and fall for one. In that way you save yourself of all the trouble of getting hurt while having the utmost "fun". Who needs that connection with a single person when you can have a lot? And why bother going thru hell and high water just for that one you suspect to be the "one". Go, have fun and be in the company of many. It may seem meaningless, shallow connections but they are acts of self-preservation. In this way you truly protect that one connection that matter most, with yourself.

In this jungle, there's only one person that will get you through. Yep, you got that right, only you. Didn't you ever wonder why they call it a "fall"? Well because you never get out of it whole, unhurt or without a stupid bruise. Its really falling from where the freakin "high" is, only to find yourself back in the real world with a broken soul! So why entrust yourself to another? Why fall so deeply passionately in love when you know it will end soon? Why even bother to see beyond that lazy bum, or that philosophical womanizer with a hopeful eye?? Why be the eternal optimist when everyone's calling your romance a stupid lie? WHHHHYYYYYYY!!!!!!?

With a guise of smile, i reply: "Maybe you've never REALLY been in love so stop asking why"

crazy for you II

hahay. ito ang LSS ko ngayon.

CRAZY FOR YOU
madonna

Swaying room as the music starts
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one

I see you through the smokey air
Can't you feel the weight of my stare
You're so close but still a world away
What I'm dying to say, is that

Chorus:

I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you, crazy for you

Trying hard to control my heart
I walk over to where you are
Eye to eye we need no words at all

Slowly now we begin to move
Every breath I'm deeper into you
Soon we two are standing still in time
If you read my mind, you'll see

Chorus:

I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
I'ts all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
You'll feel it in my kiss because
I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
I'ts all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you, crazy for you
Crazy for you, crazy for you

It's all brand new, I'm crazy for you
And you know it's true
I'm crazy, crazy for you


o di ba? ang saya. hahay. ganito talaga pag in love, nasisiraan ng ulo. paksyet

crazy for you

unfortunately, di na post ung drama entry ko. ewan. nagloko ang laptop. anyway, ito aang nangyari:

minsan, isang gabi, sobrang desperado ako magfriendster. nung mabuksan ko ang aking account, natuwa ako dahil may mga new pics and mga bora pips. naintriga ako. sabi ko, titingnan ko lahat para masaya. tapos tiningnan ko ang profile ni ___. nakita ko may pix sila. ouch! sabi ng puso ko. feeling ko tinusok ng barbeque stick and puso ko. hahay. keri lang. siya un eh. profile nya un, di naman kay heartbreaker. wait! i-check ko kaya ung kay heartbreaker. click dito, type doon. tsadan! lumabas din. uy1 dumami ang photos, 7 na. syet. anu kaya toh. bago ang primary photo. cute nga nya eh, kaso keebler elf pa rin. ayun, tingin tingin, then AYUN!!! naloka ako sa nakita ko. may pix silang dalawa. argh! ouch! agay! aray! lahat na ng expression pag nasasaktan. syet! feeling ko, hinampas ng tubo dibdib ko, kinuha puso ko, sabay pinatakan ng kalamansi sugat ko! waaahhh!!!! ewan, basta ang alam ko muntik ako maiyak. nagtaka nga si guy eh bat teary-eyed and lola moh. pero wait, di ako umiyak ha. iba ang teary-eyed sa umiyak.

hahay. ayun. kausap ko p si Rj sa Ym. kahit nga siya na alarm sa decision ko. sabi ko uwi na lng ako sa cagayan de oro, magiisip, magmumuni-muni. hahay. inisip ko pa magpakamatay. naisip ko magbigti, kaso iitim leeg ko, pangit sa burol. inisip ko maglaslas ng pulso, kaya lang takot ako sa dugo. inisip ko magpasagasa sa lRT, kaso pagbaba ko pa alng sa riles ng tren, may multang P50,000.haggard! inisip ko mag overdose, kaso baka mahilo lang ako at magsuka, di na nga ako namatay, pagtatawanan pa nila ako. hahay. syet. so ayun, i ended up deciding na wag na lang. mahal pa naman mamatay ngayon.

naglakad lakad ako sa labas ng dorm, nag isip sa may kiosk. inisip ko ang mga sakit na naramdaman ko para maiyak ako. oo, inisip kong iyakan na para matapos na rin toh. kaso, reason got the better of me. ayaw pumatak ng luha ko. pagkatapos ng mhabang oras na pagmumuni muni at FLPI sa kiosk, nilamok na ako. kaya pumasok na ako ng dorm. hahay. ayun.

sira ulo talaga ako noh?

sun-kissed

after a week of fun in bora, i'm back in the bustling metropolis. the trip was awesome! perfect tan, new accessories, zonked nights, laglagan sessions, games, sexy bodies and party till dawn were some of the best things that happened.

unfortunately, i had to spend my own money since my parents did not send me even a single cent. hahay. well, i survive. there were times wherein we would dine in posh places, in cheap dokito frito, or just plain de lata. hehehe

i was kinda tipsy for 3 consecutive nights! yahoo! dax got drunk, luckily i was with him. so being the kind friend that i am, well, i ended up carrying him home. i was tipsy then but we sure got home safe.

as usual, we lost the games! go YELLOW!!! but we were the team with the best members! yehey! we still enjoyed every part of it. hahay. one abd thing-ali dropped me! hahay. i still suffer from back pains-goodluck sa training!

all of us are "tanned". hehehe. i bet on monday, new pep pips will wonder why all of us are really dark. hehehe.

as for heartbreaker, well, there were good times with him. he was always with other people. too busy to stop and chit chat with us. oh well, looks like he's happy already.

i wanted to leave all my problems in bora so that when i get back here in manila, i wouldn't suffer the "broken-hearts syndrome". i wanted to delete all his messages from my phone, but still could noy do it. candee told me that i should do it one message at a time.

i left bora ahead of the others. as i boarded the plane back to manila, i thought of the good memories of bora. ill never forget thise nights.

bOrAcAy

as i packed my things for my departure for the paradise called boracay, i thisnk about the possible things that will happen there. right now, there are a lot of things racing inside my head. i'm happy because finally the sem is over. i am happy because i'm going to enjoy the sand, sea and surf of bora with some of my closest friends. but beneath this facade lies an unexplained loneliness. yes, i still am sad. i dont know why.

for months i've struggled to let it all go. sadly, things around me would not permit me to do so. i see him almost every day. he asks for my help on just about anything. well, that's how he remembers me. he remembers me as someone he can count on when he needs clothes, pep related stuff, BA matters and the like. did he ever see me more than that?

i dont know what the answer is. all i i can say is that is how i feel. did i ever matter to him? did he ever look at me more than just a friend? did he ever consider how i feel? these questions, i guess, will remain unanswered.

as the clock ticks to 1.30, i feel the excitement setting in. will i enjoy this trip? will i bear the pain of seeing him with someone else? will i get the chance to talk to him? these are yet to be answered. but the biggest question would be:

"WILL I GET OVER HIM?"

maybe, maybe not. i dont know. i am counting on this trip for me to think things over. may the sand , sea and surf give me peace of mind and heart.

it will be long before i will be able to write in here. i bet, the next time that i will be here, the blog will be long. really long.

"i'm so proud of you."

"i'm so proud of you."

these are the words i always hear from my friend mac gregor kho.
i always ask him "why?".
then he answers "because you have found somebody you really love."

i just keep quiet and gather my thoughts. yes, i have found the one person who has made me fall in love with for a nymber of reasons.i dont know why i continue to feel this way. logic tell me to stop, it's wrong. but how can something be wrong when it feels so right? ironic huh?

for months, i tried to move on and find someone else. but to my dismay, i just cant let it all go.i'm so attached with the past. the past. those were the days that i felt really happy. everything just seemed so easy. everything started really sweet, and eventually ended up sour.

if you are reading this blog, you will feel the bitterness in me. yes, i admit that after all these months, i still can't let it all go. to get things straight,there was never an us, so there was nothing to end and mend.

i said to myself, i'll never cry, he's not going to be the first prick who's going to make my tears fall. am that tough? or is it just my pride? i guess it's the latter. a cool couple once told me "yes,you are too tough to cry, but are you happy?". i answered "NO, i'm not."

crying is a way of showing our vulnerable side. i guess i'm as hard as a rock. the last time i cried was during the tribute night of the org. it was good. during that time, all i wanted was to cry my heart out. not just because i'll miss my batchmates, but because everything that happened to me for the past four years of my colleg life.

this journey would have never been this nice if i had not met the people who made me see how beautiful life is. they made me realize that life does not end in a heartbreak. that love is not just for the hopeless romantic.

they are the people whom i call my FRIENDS. they were there during the best days, and lifted me up during the worst. we may have had our differences, but one this is for sure. you guys rocked my world. without you, i would have been lost.